I met Frank and his wife, Luella, over a decade ago when they decided to pay us a visit one Sunday morning for service. I can’t tell you much about that first encounter because it wasn’t unique. I’m sure we made small talk and said a few pleasantries, but nothing of any depth. That’s what most of us do when we meet someone for the first time. Unfortunately, many relationships in the church don’t go beyond this level. Instead, there is this superficial language that allows many to avoid the awkward silence as they run in to each other in the church building. And even though they see one another once or twice a week, they never seize the opportunity to go deeper and become connected in authentic friendships.
Why do we stop at this surface-level type of connection? In part it’s because of our differences. If you put two people together in a room long enough, you’ll find out that they’re not always going to agree. We’re all different. We think differently; we act differently; we look differently. We all come from different backgrounds and view things from our own set of experiences, understandings, and environments. It’s what makes us who we are. It’s what makes people different. And often times, it’s what causes dissension and conflicts between us as well.
A few months after Frank became a part of our church, some of us men hopped into a van to take a road trip to a conference several hours away. I sat in the seat right in front of Frank. It wasn’t long before his sense of humor and infectious belly-laugh won me over. He was well over 30 years my senior; we had a different up-bringing and even disagreed at times, but that day we became friends. Frank was retired and had every tool imaginable in his massive garage. When I needed help renovating my first house, Frank (a.k.a. ‘The Tool-man’), was always a phone call away. If I didn’t have it, or didn’t know what tool I needed for a certain job, Frank would let me borrow his. Many times, he would come over and instruct me on how to do jobs that I wasn’t all too familiar with. In addition, it became a family tradition every fall for us to go over to Frank’s house and pick apples from his tree. Some of the best pie-making apples I’d ever tasted, I might add.
It wasn’t too long before he and his wife became like family to us.
And then one day, a few years later, Frank went to see his doctor because he wasn’t feeling well. When the test results finally came back, the news revealed cancer. Over the next several months, he struggled with breathing, sleeping, and nausea. When I’d go visit him, it was apparent that his illness weighed heavy upon him. I would attempt to make him feel better or lighten his spirit through laughter. And after our visits, we’d pray to God for healing and encouragement to fill Frank. I wish I could say that God miraculously healed him. I wish I could say I called him up today and heard his laugh, but I can’t. After a short time, Frank turned for the worst and was soon gone.
The very next fall, I remember taking the family over to see his wife. She invited us over for our traditional apple harvest from her tree. This time we let our kids do most of the picking as my wife and I sat with his widow on the porch and reflected on the new changes in her life. Her pain was deep and real, but with the help of their children and a loving church family, she would get through it.
My relationship with this couple changed me for the better, and I’m certain it changed them as well. But had we not made the decision to let the other one in, the relationship would never have happened. We could’ve showed up at church every Sunday and kept our relationship superficial and on the surface and never enjoyed the blessings of friendship. But what’s great about Christian community is the opportunity to enjoy going through life together. We have someone to laugh with in the good times; we have someone to help us out in our times of need; we have someone who will give us an encouraging word when we’re depressed; and we have someone who will be there for our family when we’ve gone home to be with Jesus. This is what brotherly love and friendship looks like. In spite of our differences and opinions, we love others because they matter to God and their friendship makes us a better person.
Proverbs 27:17 says, ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.’ In other words, having friends, enriches your life. And the best way to find friends like this, is to start being a friend like this to somebody. Who knows, you might end up meeting someone like Frank.
